Summer 2008

So the whole process of being healthier this summer was a rousing success in some areas and a total failure in others. I have managed to gain an additional 15 lbs to my already large frame. This makes me sad and little bit stressed and unsure what my next step is going to be. How can I eat healthy and still gain weight? It puts in such a frustrated state that I end up grabbing the cookies, brownies, whatever is at hand and chow down. I also start to resign myself to being fat and head to the nearest fast food place. I have sucha defeatist attitude these days and I do not know how to get past this so I can make some actual progress. I really think I need to head back to WW meetings. At least there I received motivation from strangers. I sure as hell am not getting any help from my family. Secretly, I think they all derive pleasure from having someone on the familly fatter than they are.

My daughter at least is finding success in high school. She has PE everyday and her teacher works them hard. H has already lost about 3 lbs. Her shirts look better on her and her jeans are looser. I'm so proud of her and hope she can lose the 10 lbs she really needs to lose.

Now for my success. I wanted to do three things this year, lose weight, graduate, and stop smoking. As noted above, weight loss has been a bust, but I did graduate in June and *drumroll* I stopped smoking in July! It has been such a challenge and sometimes I think I'm still going to fail at this, but so far everyday since July 18th, I have said NO. I can breathe better, walk upstairs without becoming out of breathe, my hair does not smell, and I know my lungs are healing.

So while I haven't found the right path for my weight loss yet, I have managed to succeed in becoming one step closer to being healthy. I still have 4 months left of this year to do something. I'll try to keep updates here more current, maybe if I can find success in weight loss I'll actually follow through with my postings.