I’ve been feeling very down lately. I’ve thought a lot about why. Some of it is because I am going through so many changes. In the last year I graduated college, quit smoking, started exercising, rejoined weight watchers, watched my “baby” start high school, turned 35, lost over 30 lbs, restarted this blog, put myself on a budget that meant rethinking how I spend money, and truly started looking for a new job. I’ve accomplished a lot since last June, but I am alone. Which means I find myself lonely.
The ex has been gone and out of my life since I was 24 and since then I have gone on dates but have never dated anyone. (Totally my fault, I let quite a few really great men go, I wasn’t ready then) I’ve been ready for someone in my life for a while now, but I have no idea how to meet people. I work for a big company, but my immediate co-workers are older women, and I look around at work and see really old men or babies just out of college. All the men my age seem to have rings on their fingers.
I recently tried an internet website and have had 2 men contact me, both of which are not for me. I’ve looked at the profiles of some of these men on this site and over and over again, I see the “women I’m looking for is fit/thin/small/tiny/athletic” etc. In other words not me, even if I lose the last 40 lbs I will never be their ideal. The best I can hope for is healthy. Please don’t get me wrong healthy is what I want for me… but seriously I wonder if there will ever be someone out there that wants me. And if there is… where the hell is he?
I’m not exactly sure where I’m going with this… I’m just trying to document how I feel because this blog is supposed to be more than just my weight loss journey because I am more than just my weight loss. Sometimes it hard to remember that.
In other news, there is no Day 13 of 30 Day Shred. It is Tuesday and that means Zumba! It’s my favorite day of the work week. It usually helps me get out of these funks that I go through periodically.