Monday, February 09, 2009

Thoughts for Monday

Does anyone else ever have a difficult time acknowledging their weight loss in real life? I know for me, when someone asks me if I've lost weight or goes straight to the compliment I really have a hard time talking about it because every single time I get to the point where my weight loss would be considered significant and I get compliments on my loss I start packing on the pounds again. And I'm so afraid of this happening once again. Why in the world am I so afraid to be at a normal weight? It's totally ridicules how I've sabotaged myself the last 10 years. 1998 was the last time I was at a normal weight at about 154 - 160 and 2003 was the last time I had significant weight loss which had me at one point 198. Since '03 I've been anywhere from 205 to 251 (my highest weight ever!)

This time around (the 251 scared me back to WW) I've been losing in much smaller numbers but much more consistently. Everyone I know basically knows I've been doing WW since September and while people do acknowledge my weight loss, I really haven't. I say thank you and move on or totally change the subject because I don't know what else to do. I can't go back to that highest weight, I can't...

I think this is why I've turned to blogging about my weight loss, there's a certain anonymity here that doesn't affect my psyche and doesn't trigger (whatever it is) the button that has me gaining weight when a get a Woo-Hoo from my fellow bloggers. Compliments hear make me feel good, yet ones in real life leave me embarrassed and turning red. I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, other than it's been bothering me since I posted a picture on FB that had a lot of chatter about my weight and hair. And I was thinking after all that. Jeez, did I look that bad before? Why is everyone so shocked? Should I be hurt or offended? But for the first time in 10 years I didn't go running for Taco Bell. Maybe I'm changing. Maybe my health is finally more important than being thin? Although don't get me wrong, I so want to be thin. I think that would be teh Awesome! So after reading thrrough this juble of a mess, does anyone else ever feel like this? Or is it just me? What have you done to counter act your inner sabatouer?

3 comments:

Bee said...

I thought I was the only one who had this problem. I lose twenty pounds and everyone around me starts to notice and make comments and then I quit. Why? I don't know...I still have a hundred more to lose. I'm almost hoping that people don't mention that I look like I've lost weight. I'm hoping that I can break through that and get beyond my normal 20 pounds. Of course, I also hope that I don't get pissed when no one does say anything. =) Good to know that I'm not the only one with this problem.

Bre said...

I used to be this way - then I thought - I'm worth this - I need this - I want this - and I'm going to make it as public as I can so I won't feel uncomfortable when people notice - I can take pride in how hard I have worked - I can take the compliments knowing the weight didn't just fall off by its self - I worked hard to make it happen and I should be proud of how well I'm doing. My blog is not just out there for the internet world, my family and friends in real life know my blog address as well. I figure I need all the support I can get and having my thoughts and feeling out there for everyone to see is as beneficial to me as it is to everyone else. If I encourace others in the process then great - but ultimatley I'm doing this for myself.

RebeccaILJ said...

I'll start out great, then when people start to notice, I puff right back up to my starting weight (and usually then some). I've been using the blog in a way where I can talk about this stuff anonymously, and let my co-workers continue on without knowing that I'm dieting. Its just easier for me, to not have to open myself up to well-meaning but sometimes horrible advice, scrutiny, or anything else.