Weekly Weigh In...

Down 1.2 lbs this week. I'm pretty prud of that number becuase I really didn't think I was going to lose more than 1/2 lb this week. I feel like I continue to struggle this this weight loss process, but the scale keeps showing losses. I think it helps that I exercise because while I eat much better than I used to, I do not eat as well as I can. I need to eat a lot more fruits and vegetables but have a hard time doing it. Which is weird because I actually like fruits and vegetables. I just like them so much more when someone else has purchased, washed and cut them up. Maybe that's just a comfort thing from childhood?

Tomorrow is my 35 birthday. I was really hoping to be about 20 lbs lighter than what I currently am, and maybe that's why I feel like I'm struggling through this process? I am currently the same weight I was when I moved out here to St. Louis almost 6 years ago, when I was first diagnosed with high blood pressure. I've been 35 lbs lighter than this point and now 17 lbs heavier. I really want to be down to the 35 lbs lighter point. I'll still have 40 lbs to lose at that point, but I it would be a really good start. I will not be this size or weight by my 36th. I can't afford to live this unhealthy anymore.

Weekly Weigh-In

So much fantastic news this week. During Thanksgiving week, I managed to lose 2.4 lbs! I'm super excited about that, because I always worry about sticking to the plan during a holiday. Success in the past hasn't been that great, but this week I managed to not over-eat on Thursday and I didn't eat dessert. Of course I pretty much won't eat a dessert unless choclate is involved, so pumpkin pie does not present much of a temptation for me.

The other fantastic news is that with the 2.4 lbs weight loss I have no reached my 5% goal. So cool. I am hoping to reach my 10% goal by the new year, so I've got to really work hard the next few weeks to try and get there. I'm really re-inspired after seeing this week's achievements.

MIA

So I've been missing from the blogging world for a couple of weks, and not becuase I haven't been following WW, but because I had a lot of stuff going on at work and at home and I was left with very little desire to keeping up here. I think over the last 3 weeks I'm up 1 lb. I gained a lb 3 weeks ago and the los .4 the next week and then last week gained the .4 back. This week, I have been pretty horrible with counting points and hitting the gym. I just have not gotten it together this week. I think if I can survive today though I might finally lose that gained lb. + maybe 1 more. Tomorrow I am going to have to go to the gym for sure though. I feel crappy without at least a little bit of exercise. Saturday is weigh-in and I'll be sure to post what the +/- is.

Movie Watch... Twilight

I cannot wait to see this movie!!!! I just saw the movie trailer on TV and it looks all kinds of awesome.

In which knee pain becomes too much

I managed to get through Zumba class tonight... but just barely. THe pain in my knees is becoming worse. Until this week the pain was centered on my right knee. Now both of my knees have been hurting. The pain exists even when I am not exercising and hurts a lot more when I am sitting down and my knees stay in a bent position. All the pain is in the back of my knees. I can't stop exercising. I need it to get healthy again, and also because the only way to help my liver is to exercising. I do think I'm going to have to make an appointment to see a doctor about this. Soon.

Back to normal

Well, the American public has spoken and we have a new President. Congrats to Obama, it should be an interesting 4 years. Now real life can get back to normal and I can exercise, eat, read, play on the computer, and watch tv without political pundits shoving their views down my throat. *sigh* I'm only kind of serious. ;)

Layered Pumpkin Cheesecake Recipe

Layered Pumpkin Cheesecake
Serves 8 = 3 pts per serving

2 pkg Fat Free Cream Cheese 8 oz each
½ cup Sugar
½ tsp Vanilla
2 Eggs
½ cup canned Pumpkin
¼ Cinnamon
Dash of Nutmeg
1/3 cup Graham Cracker Crumbs
½ Cup thawed Cool Whip Free Whipped Topping


Mix cream cheese, sugar and vanilla w/ electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Add eggs; mix until blended. Do not over beat eggs. Remove 1 cup of batter and set aside. Stir pumpkin and spices into remaining batter. Spray 9 inch pie plate w/ non stick spray. Sprinkle bottom w/ graham cracker crumbs. Pour plain batter on top of crumbs. Top that w/ pumpkin batter. Bake @ 325 for 40 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool. Refrigerate for 3 hours. Top w/ 1 Tsb of cool whip and serve.


Recipe courtesy of this week's Weight Watchers meeting.

Weekly Weigh In...

Can I get a drumroll please.... I'm down 3 lbs! This is the biggest weekly drop I've had since the first week of this weight loss journey. I'm thrilled with this number. I only worked out twice this week, but they were 2 hours each and included the Zumba classes that really work muscles. The biggest change I made this week was the variety of food I ate. I am a creature of habit. I do not do well with change and once I find something I like to eat, I usually eat the heck out of it. I was involved in a Lean event at work that provided food everyday. I think the mixing up of food kick started my metabolism, so I have to try and keep that up, so my body never knows what I'm going to do.

So this was a great week, I'm thrilled, and looking forward to keeping the journey going.

Argh! Hungry

I'm hungry and I have no idea what it is I'm hungry for. I had 1 super small cinnamon roll for breakfast this morning and it's just not cutting it. I want... something but I just don't know what. Sometimes it's really hard to make the right choice. I'm trying really hard to remember to eat to fuel my body so I can do other things. I need to remember to eat to live and not live to eat. Food should not be so complicated, and yet it is.

I'm just rambling... mostly I think I'm frustrated because I was at a Halloween party last night and saw the pictures and I looked like a beached whale, even with 11 pounds gone from my body. So I'm only just realizing how bad a place I've been in the last year. Please let me continue to live healthier because unhealthy just sucks.

Weekly Weigh In

Down 1.4 lbs! Yaaay, I'm so thrilled with this number. I thought for sure I was going to gain, maybe I should start trusting that I'm doing all the right things and accept that it actually works.

This past week, I did Zumba twice and the eliptical and weight training once. In Zumba I picked up the intensity so I spent more time in the higher intensity mode than in low intensity. I also did 20 minutes abs twice. My core muscles are still basically non-existant but I figure they'll continue to get stronger the longer I keep up the exercising.

I still wish the weight was coming off faster, but any progress is better than no progress at all.

Fun Night at the Hockey game

I would have done another class last night but I went to a hockey game instead. Blues vs Kings and before the game started I was pretty torn as to who I should be rooting for, as the Kings were my first love. I spent many a evening during my teens and twenties watching on TV or attending games at the Forum. However I've been a real fan of the Blues for the last six years and I'll be living in MO for a long time to come. However once the game started it became blatently obvious who I was rooting for and it was not the team of my youth. I have been fully assimilated to the Mid West. Go Blues! My team lost (0-4) but we got to see lots of these



and also




There was also a visit from Gov. Sarah Palin. She dropped the ceremonial first puck. Think what you want of her, but her daughter Piper is totally adorable and she's brought a lot of attention to the sport of Hockey, which is never a bad thing. Here are some pics from her stop.

Political leanings Quiz

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 70% Conservative, 30% Liberal Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal Fiscal Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Recipe- Carmel Apple Salad

So at the WW meeting this weeks a recipe was posted that I actually made. It was totally yummy. I wish I knew who came up with it so I could give credit. I actually have a hard time eating apples, it's not that I don't like apples, but something about the texture is off for me when taking a bite of apple (it's hard to explain) but this was really good.

Carmel Apple Salaf

1- 8 oz Fat Free Cool Whip
1- 15 1/2 oz can Crushed Pineapple (do NOT drain juice)
1- package of Fat Free Sugar Free Butterscotch Instant Pudding
4- Apples (of any kind) diced

Mix Cool Whip and Butterscotch pudding together in bowl. Add Pineapple (with juice) in. Add diced apples mix. Refridgerate for about 1 hour. The whole thing is 12 Points. So 6 servings would be 2 points per serving)

It makes for a great Fall dessert.

Weekly Weigh in

It was a bit of close call for me. I was a horrible eater last week. There wasn't a cookie or brownie that I passed by last week. I had an unrepentent sweet tooth. Luckily, I ddin't make things worse by stopping for fast food on top of it, which is why I still managed a 1/4 lb loss rather than a gain! It's not much of a loss but the scale is still moving in the right direction.

Also helping is my continued visit to the gym. I did Zumba class 3 times last week. My legs and arms were sore and tired by Saturday. I still look like a total dork while doing the class because I am completely uncoordinated, but I'm having fun, losing weight and gaining muscle so it's working. I am having some trouble with my knees though, not while I'm working out, but if I keep my right knee bent for too long I feel some major pain in the back of my knee, so that's lots of fun. It really sucks getting old and being fat. I'm going to wait a while before I head to a Dr. just to see if they get better with a little more weight loss. I hope so. I really hate going to the Dr. I seem to only ever hear bad news from them anymore, and I'm getting a little tired of it. I'd like to go to a Dr. visit and be told I'm doing great instead oh somehting else is wrong with you and you need to lose weight, take a new pill, get anoth u/s etc. It the total suck.

Weekly Weigh In...

So this week at the weigh in I was down 2 lbs! I was so excited, I hope I can have another good week this week. I was pretty horrible over the weekend though, so it might be tough. I ate every sweet thing I saw this weekend. In fact, this morning I feel a little sick to my stomach. Usually by now I'll have had some form of breakfast but I just can't bring myself to put anything in my mouth. I feel pretty gross right now.

Tonight, instead of going to the gym I am going to an event called The Taste of the NFL. It's charity event hosted by the St. Louis Rams (I think) At least Rams players are supposed to be there and they might actually show up tonight because they finally won a game. I'm not a big football fan (hockey's my thing) but this should be pretty cool. Other than that, this week will be all about working out and eating healthy again. You know, the same ol' same ol'.

Weekly Weigh In

So another Saturday has passed and that means a weigh-in took place. And... I'm down another pound. Yep, that's right 1 freakin' pound. I have decided that I am not going to go out and "just eat a Salad" with my sister this week, because those restaurant salads have a lot of points in them. I'm never smart enough to calculate the points until after I've eaten them. So I'm saying no to my sister this week.

I even went to the grocery store and shopped healthy. I bought stuff for every meal and snacks and hopefully will see that push on the scale that I need. Because WW is becoming frustrating after 3 weeks because I've seen less than 5 lbs in weight loss.

If exercise is the key...

to weight loss, why haven't I lost more weight? I work my ass off in the gym at least four times a week and have very little show for it on the scale. It's frustrating to not see the results I want. I think it's the unrealistic expectations of weight loss that The Biggest Loser gives to normal people with normal lives. Don't get me wrong, I love the show and think it's really inspiring, but I can't help but be a little disappointed when on week 1 I lose 3.8 lbs and they contestants have 17 - 20 lbs losses. Obviously, I just need to get over myself and be happy there was a weight loss and that there have been improvements in my breathing (Hello! ex-smoker here!), stamina, and belly fat (yay, my stomach doesn't stick out quite so much).

I've been having a blast attending a Zumba class, which is a latin inspired cardio class. I'm totally uncoordinated, but the instructor is fantastic and encouraging and makes the whole thing fun... even when you think you are about to drop from exhaustion. The class is only 2 days a week though. I wish it were everyday, it's that much fun and you get so much out of it. I'd love it even more if I could get more weight loss to go along with the muscle toning. Tonight, I'm doing eliptical and weights.

Weekly Weigh In

So I had my first weigh in this morning and the official loss is 3.8 pounds. I'm pretty happy about that. It's a solid number. Not a huge Biggest Loser first week, but really IRL who actually loses 20 lbs in a week?

Anyway, this week I managed to go to two aerobic classes (something I've never done before), ate pretty healthy even when the people around me were quietly trying to sabotage me (who makes/brings cookies for you when you've announced you started Weight Watchers, really who does that?... besides the people I know), and lost almost 4 lbs in the end. I hope I can continue this into week 2.

Emotional eating

is something I really must work on. I was doing really well all weekend, normally my worst time sticking with any sort of program. Something about the weekend makes me really lazy. Anyway, my sister was upset yesterday because my Mom was teasing her about her feet. She kept saying she didn't care what anyone said about her feet and we all thought she was over it. Apparantly not. Later on she was making cookies (peanut butter with Reese's Peanutbutter cups, yummy) and I made a comment about them needing to go in the freezer (it keeps the Reeses from being melted crap) and she lost it on me, which in turn upset me so I went home... but not without my portion of those damn cookies. I ended up eating about 8 of them. Holy smokes they were good, but I felt like such crap because I wasn't hungry, I ate them because I was upset. So Stupid. I'm going to have to work extra hard in the gym this week just to ease my guilt.

Weight Watchers

So I actually bit the bullet today and rejoined Weight Watchers. I keep trying to do WW on my own but have had little success over the last year or so becausae I have not been accountable to anyone but myself at the scale. I'm excited and scared. The meeting today was about negative thinking. Something I am quite familiar with. Negative thinking is what got me into this mess to begin with. So I'm going to try and reinforce positive thinking in my daily life. *fingers crossed*

Day One of WW has consisted of eating out... because I was looking at model homes woth my sister. I left my house at 7:30 (to go to the WW Meeting) and I did not get back home until 3:30 PM. We ate breakfast at St. Louis Bread Company (Panera Bread for the non locals). Had a breakfast sandwich which was 510 calories which translates to 11 points. 11! and for lunch we went to Qdoba, where I had a naked chicken taco salad which was also 11 points! 22 points for what was basically not a lot of food. I'm still hungry and have barely enough point totals for something to eat. Thank goodness veggies are basically free points AND there are weekly flex points.

I'm going to the gym tomorrow to earn some activity points...

Why is is so hard to lose weight?

So this has been my daily question for weeks now. I'm struggling every day to lose ounces when I should be losing lbs. because there are so many to lose. I've been really good about the gym. I go almost everyday and struggle through an exercise routine, lots of cardio and then work on weight training as well. I've given up fast food and have tried to limit my portion sizes. My biggest struggle is still breakfast. I tend to use too many of my daily points on it. I've seen little to no progress and I can't help but get discouraged.

I found out this week that I have a "fatty liver" which is just one more problem that adds to the weightloss struggle. It's just one more reason why weight loss is so hard for my body. Between the PCOS and this liver issue my body just wants to store store store fat. However, now that I know about the fatty liver if I want to ever be healthy again I have to exercise everyday (well at least 5 x's a week) and I have to eat a low-fat low calorie diet. It will take time to correct my liver and until I do that weight loss is going to be difficult for me. My liver has to heal before my body can register weight loss... or something like that. I'm still struggling to understand it all, and trying to figure out how to stay positive and on track when the results appear to be non existant. It's not like I can look at my liver everyday and say "Oh look it's a little more pink today"

So the little tracker up there will probably stay at 5 lbs loss for a little while longer, but know that I'm still here in my little world trying to live a healthier lifestyle.

The gym

So I've managed to maintain a routine that includes a visit to the gym everyday this week, except for Monday because it was closed for Labor Day. I'm pretty proud of this because I've spent so many months making excuses for not going to the gym. After my initial weight loss of 5 lbs, I haven't managed to move the scale, so I'm hoping regular visits to the gym will help me along. Of course I have to figure out how to manage the hunger after I work out. I know some people aren't hungry after they work out, but I am not one of them. I'm usually really really hungry afer a good workout and my food intake at night has been out of control, except for tonight. I had soup and salad. So Yay me!

Shomi contest

Because I can never pass up the chance to win books Book Binge is having a contest. I want to read this Shomi book:



I keep seeing reviews of this one and it sounds like a book that I'd like. I can thank the Book Binge crew for convincing me I want to try the Shomi line.

Smart Ones and breakfast

One of my biggest problems with sticking to a diet is the lack of breakfast options that include eggs. I'm a big fan of eggs and I always have a difficult time giving up my omelot or breakfast sandwich from the cafeteria where I work. I always said that if Weight Watchers would just start making Smart Ones breakfast options things would be golden. This morning while I was grocery shopping at a store that I do not frequent I saw this





I am so excited and I went ahead and bought the Smart Ones breakfast options they had available. Haven't tasted it yet, but I've never had too many taste issue with the other frozen entree options so I'm pretty confident that these are going to work for me. And the other great thing is... these are about 1/2 the price of what breakfast costs at the cafeteria, so I'm eating less calories and saving the moolah.

Summer 2008

So the whole process of being healthier this summer was a rousing success in some areas and a total failure in others. I have managed to gain an additional 15 lbs to my already large frame. This makes me sad and little bit stressed and unsure what my next step is going to be. How can I eat healthy and still gain weight? It puts in such a frustrated state that I end up grabbing the cookies, brownies, whatever is at hand and chow down. I also start to resign myself to being fat and head to the nearest fast food place. I have sucha defeatist attitude these days and I do not know how to get past this so I can make some actual progress. I really think I need to head back to WW meetings. At least there I received motivation from strangers. I sure as hell am not getting any help from my family. Secretly, I think they all derive pleasure from having someone on the familly fatter than they are.

My daughter at least is finding success in high school. She has PE everyday and her teacher works them hard. H has already lost about 3 lbs. Her shirts look better on her and her jeans are looser. I'm so proud of her and hope she can lose the 10 lbs she really needs to lose.

Now for my success. I wanted to do three things this year, lose weight, graduate, and stop smoking. As noted above, weight loss has been a bust, but I did graduate in June and *drumroll* I stopped smoking in July! It has been such a challenge and sometimes I think I'm still going to fail at this, but so far everyday since July 18th, I have said NO. I can breathe better, walk upstairs without becoming out of breathe, my hair does not smell, and I know my lungs are healing.

So while I haven't found the right path for my weight loss yet, I have managed to succeed in becoming one step closer to being healthy. I still have 4 months left of this year to do something. I'll try to keep updates here more current, maybe if I can find success in weight loss I'll actually follow through with my postings.

Graduation Party...

My co-workers had a lunch catered for me today, to celebrate the end of a very long journey that they've been on with me during the last five years of working on this degree. Mhmmmm, it was soooo good. I had chicken piccata, mashed potatoes, and fresh broccoli. Totally not on program with WW, but oh so yummy for my tummy. *grin* Actually, I made sure I ate a very light breakfast (a WW bagel) and a healthy dinner (Turkey sandwich), so I should be good.

After work, I took my teen to the Ortho and then went over to my brother's house to watch the kids so my S-I-L could go to her WW meeting. Madison is almost 3 and that girl kept me running. Definitely got more exercise today than I have in a long time. After how quickly I got tired, it is painfully obvious that I need to start exercising again. And soon.

I'm trying here.

Day 2

I took the day off of work today. It felt so good to sleep in this morning. Unfortunately, sleeping in causes the problem of not being able to go to bed early... at least that's what happening to me tonight. And I did wash today, I have clean sheets on my bed. I should be in it sleeping but I'm not because I'm not tired enough yet. I did pretty well with the eating today. I had yogurt for breakfast, a turkey sandwich from Subway for lunch, and a WW frozen meal for dinner. A whole lot less food that I've been used to these last few weeks. I miss it. The food. I've been daydreaming about food, fast food in particular. But I'm not hungry and so that is actually what is keeping me from giving in after only a day. Which beleive happens almost everytime I start a "diet". Talk about a loser. I hope I can change my habits and eat healthy and lose weight. I don't know if I'll be able to stick this time, b ut I am going to try. School ending just cut my stress levels in half. Which is really half the battle for me. I eat when I'm stressed, clean when I'm pissed, and lose weight... well I'm not sure what it takes to get me to lose weight, but we'll find out. (I hope!)

School is Over!!!!

I am officially done with school. Tonight ends almost five years of schooling and in June I will attend graduation and have a degree in Business Administration. I'm thrilled. Now, I can concentrate on me. Today's food was completely on program. I even have 2 points left for the day, but as I'm about to go to bed, I have no need for them. Let's see if I can finally finish this weight loss journey...

A whole month lost

I've been taking this Statistics class and it's basically kicked my ass. The whole weight loss and blog thing has fallen completely by the way side. I'm only half-way through the class, so i have another 6 weeks of school hell and then I can re-focus on this blog. In the mean time I am trying to eat healthy again. I blew it the whole month of February. I'm not sure why I can't get to together, but I want to continue to try. I just don't know when I'll be able to journal about it.

It's here!

I had the day off yesterday because I had to wait for the delivery of my treadmill. I managed to sleep until about 8 am. I then got up cleaned my kitchen, my daughter's bathroom, and did about 4 loads of laundry. Pretty productive day actually. And during all this productiveness the weather outside went from 70 degrees to about 16 degrees in an hour or so, then we got some snow and then my treadmill showed up.

It took me about 2 hours to assemble by myself.. you're supposed to have 2 people do it, but I need help from no one. I did manage to get extremely frustrated during the process, I'm not usually one for throwing things when frustrated, but only because I think about how much breaking something will cost me once my little pique of anger is over, so I'm not a thrower... but I really wanted to be one for a while last night. And then I finally finished and used it for the first hour of The Biggest Loser: Couples. I didn't even realize I'd been on the treadmill for that long. When I'm at the gym, I dread every single minute I'm on it. I think this might actually work out for me. We'll see what happens on the scale next week, I guess.

Weekly Weigh-In

Start Weight 236.5
Current Weight: 231.2
Goal Weight: 145

It's a small loss, but at least I'm heading in the downward direction. My treadmill should be delivered either today or tomorrow so adding in exercise should help the weightloss continue.

I start back at school tonight. I have a paper due that I haven't started. Hopefully I'll be able to get it done during lunch. I have a few hours after work to get it done too, but I'd rather be done with during lunch so I don't have to stress too much before class starts. It's statistics and I'm dreading it more than any other class I've taken and there hasve been a few bad classes, odly enough those all invloved math as well. I've been off school for 6 weeks and it's hard to get my self back into school mode. I've known about this assignment for over 2 weeks and have done nothing to get to it. I'm such a huge procrstinator. I really hate that about myself sometimes.

Contest! See below for details...

Check out Roni’s new contest! I can win a Nutrition Smart Scale from Eat Smart and so can you! Click here for details!

Funny Stories about life with a teen

On Friday, I received an email from my daughter's Science teacher informing me of an attitude issue that resulted in Haley receiving a zero on a lab. Over the last little while Haley's hair has become unruly and her bangs covered half of her face completely obscuring her eyes. Everytime I told her she needed to get her hair cut she refused and said she could see just fine. Well on Friday her hair violated lab safety rules and her teacher called her on it. I made her a hair appointment immediately after reading the email.

Saturday before leaving for her hair she completely lost it, asking me if she had to get her hair wet in order for it to be cut, when I informed that yes, that's how it's usually done, she started crying and wouldn't stop. I was completely stumped and getting really frustrated with her. After asking several questions that started with "what did you do to your hair?" or What's wrong with your face?" I asked the correct question which was "What did you do to your eyebrows?"

Turns out Haley decided to wax her eyebrows and got a little too much wax on her left one and thought the only way to get the wax off was to use the cloth strip, which of course took off all of the eyebrow that had wax on it. She's been growing her hair the last two months to hide the fact she's missing part of her eyebrow. It wasn't as bad as she thought though, so Jill, our hair stylist, was able to fix her eyebrows and her hair (Hallelujah!), and I finally have my kid back. The sulleness is gone and she's smiling again and I can see her beautiful eyes again. Of course, when she finds out I posted her horrow story on the internet I'm sure I'll get sullen teenager back again.

I forgot...

I forgot to do a weigh in on Sunday, so I'm just going to chalk it up to a lost week and do a weigh in next Sunday. I don't know what exactly is wrong with me but I'm just feeling worn down, plus my foot is only now just starting to heal.

I bought a treadmill today. It should be delivered by next Monday. I can't wait! No really, I'm pretty excited about. So is Haley. Here is a picture of the treadmill:

Happy Birthday!

To my best friend Lynnda who is 34 today. She lives in Cali and I'm stuck here in St. Louis but the distance hasn't done damage to our lifelong friendship. We may go months without contact, but it's still as if no times has passed once we get on the phone (or together in person). I really need to make another trip out there. I was just hoping to lose a few pounds before I did. Those plane seats are small. I think she's going to tell me she's getting married to her ex-husband again today. I think a June wedding is in the works.

Update:

Yep, she's getting married again in June. She's asked me to be her maid of honor and I said yes. They've done a big wedding once already, so they are doing small this time, maybe even an elopement. They are discussing Savannah, GA, back home in Cali, or Costa Rica! I'm up for any of those... but it means I have to be really serious about this weight loss.

Because I am uncoordinated...

I am injured. Somehow, I have managed to mess up my left foot. I'm fine when I am standing but the second I start walking I am in constant pain. It started out as just the side of my foot but as I've put more pressure on it the pain has spread to the ball of my foot now too. I'm sure I've pulled something, I just don't know how. This sucks, and now I can't even attempt to exercise until the pain goes away. *sigh* This losing weight thing is hard.

The Workout

Well I did manage to make it to the gym. I got 30 minutes of cardio in, walked almost 2 miles in that time and burned 226 calories according to the treadmill. The place was packed and my legs burned after the 30 minutes, so I left. I can remember a time when I could be there for 2 hours and not feel the kind of pain I'm currently feeling. It really sucks being out of shape.

I have the day off!

So I'm at home right now. Pretty unusual for a work week, but my daughter got her bottom braces on this morning. I sent her back to school afterwards with a sore mouth, because I am a mean Mom. Now, I'm home alone. I ate a bad lunch. I don't know why I keep trying to sabotage myself. I'm going to clean the house though to work off some of those calories (that damn tortilla!). My house is a mess.. but not for long. I'm clearing off the kitchen counters, doing at least 3 loads of wash, and vaccuming the heck out of my carpet... and then I might take a nap.

My goal this evening is to make it to the gym to do 45-60 minutes of cardio. I'll post on how that goes. I haven'tbeen to the gym in months.

The Biggest Loser

I'm an avid watcher. I'm always amazed at how much weight is lost and sometimes envious of those numbers. However, on tonight's episode there was a conversation that Jillian had with the daughter of the Pink Team. I cried, because I answered Jillian before the daughter did about why she was fat and my answer was almost identical to hers. Understanding why we are fat is a major part in the weight loss journey. I know I'm fat because it is a form of protection. No one wants to date a fat girl, so as long as I am fat I can't get hurt or rejected. I've buried myself in food for so long I was beginning to forget how to be happy. I want to be happy again. I want to feel good about myself again. I want to spend my life with someone who loves me fat or thin. I just have to figure out how to get there first.

Temptation

Sometimes the hardest thing about changing the way you eat is the temptation of fast food. There are days when going through a drive thru is just easier. I wanted to today. I really did, but I didn't. Instead I chose to eat something in my house that totalled 310 calories. I made the right choice tonight, and I can only hope I can continue doing it.

It's Monday... and I feeling blaghhh

Oh how I hate Mondays. The weekend is over and the work week begins again. I haven't been feeling well today. I'm just hoping to get through the day so I can go home and relax. This day has been endless. *Sigh* I'm just just feeling blagh.

Weekly weigh in

After a stress filled week where I was beginning to think I'd just keep gaining weight my total weekly weight loss is 3.1 lbs. I was hoping for more, but I'm just grateful I managed a loss.

Beginning Weight - 236.5
New Weight - 233.4
Goal Weight - 145

Stress!

I'm pretty sure my kid will be the death of me. What is it with teens and responsibility? Is it really that hard to keep the ringer on your cell phone so that when someone calls you can actually hear it? Is it really so hard to retrieve your alarm clock from the office so you can use it to wake up in the morning so you won't miss the bus? Is it just the age becasue I do not remember being like this when I was 13. She's done it twice to me this week, and today I told her I was done. I'm not even calling the school to tell them, I told her she had to do it because I'm tired of protecting her from the consequences. Does it make me a bad parent to hope they give her an ISS so that maybe she'll actually star getting up in the morning and making the bus?

Ughh

I'm a weak person. My daughter convinced me she needed to have a cheeseburger from Red Robin and I caved. I ate a cheeseburger tonight minus the fries, but I feel guilty and I barely enjoyed. Probably because I usually avoid red meat. So tomorrow it's back to home cooked meals. I told Haley I wouldn't cave again and I actually mean it.

What I've been doing

I've spent the last three days absorbed in books! I thought I was losing my passion for reading. I spent so much of 2007 doing school stuff I didn't have time to read for pleasure. I've been on break from school for 4 weeks and have been unable to bring myself to read anything. I've gotten many books from the library but would read the first page and then put it down and never pick it up again. The first book I read that lifted my spirits was The Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. It's a YA book, but was so much fun to read that I couldn't put it down. I went to her blog and read something that encouraged me to look into books by Stephanie Meyer. What a find! Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. Fantastic books about a girl's discovery of a the existence of other as well as a love story/love triangle. I'm totally bummed I'm done with all her published works, but am looking forward to the 4th books in the series.

Sticking to it...

It’s been such a struggle. You see I have High Blood Pressure and my prescription ran out and my Dr. refused to refill it without seeing him first. I have no desire to get on a scale and have my weight recorded and I was pissed the Dr. wouldn’t just refill the damn thing and then call and say make an appointment before it runs out again. So I’ve been without the medicine for 6 days. That doesn’t seem like a long time, but when your meds include a “water pill” it causes a lot of water retention. So even though I’ve been good all week and followed a much healthier diet I’ve gained weight every day. Until this morning, I had gained 4 lbs of water, but this morning I’m down 2 lbs from my original weight, and I’m still swollen with water, so I still have some excess water to get rid of. I’m working through it, and surprisingly feel better without my meds than I did while I was taking them. I think it has something to do with the side effects of Lisinopril that I didn’t realize I was having until I stopped taking it. I can breathe much better.

Off to drink more water now….

The start of a new year

Today is the first day of a new healthy way of living. I'm about to finish my Bachelor's Degree. I have 1 class left and then I'm supposed to start my new life with all this free time I'm about to acquire. I've been doing the school thing for about 4 1/2 years now, and promised myself I'd get in shape and have a social life once school was done. Well now it's almost done and quite frankly, I can't imagine anyone wanting to date me because one, I'm horribly fat and two, if I don't like myself, how is anyone else supposed to? So I've kicked my butt into gear and did the whole grocery thing and began following the Weight Watchers plan again.



Today hasn't been so bad, I'm well within my point limits and have started prepping for dinner, lots of veggies, that do a good job of filling me up. So here comes the hard part, where I write down my starting weight so I can commit myself to never being this weight again.



Starting Weight: 236.5 lbs

Goal Weight: 145 lbs



I'm going to try to keep a consistent record of what I'm doing while on this weight loss journey as well as a food journal, to keep myself honest.



Today I've had:

Turkey sandwich, hold the mayo 5 points

WW Smart Ones Sana Fe Chicken 5 points

WW Choc Chip Muffin 3 points

Fresh Pineapple 1 point



Dinner

I don't even know waht to call it becasue it is a family recipe that was tweaked to fit a healthir life style that has tomatoes, peppers, onion, and turkey kilbasa but the total points for it is 8 points.



That's it for now.